Posted by
Patrick Bohan on Friday, November 06, 2009 1:56:51 PM
Throughout a person’s life they will face rivalries or intense competition. There are individual rivalries and then there are rivalries by choice. Individual rivalries may include the competition people receive throughout their athletic, education, and work careers. Rivalries by choice occur because of the college or athletic teams we support. For instance, a person going to the University of Texas has chosen to be a rival with people attending the University of Oklahoma. Or a person that chooses to be a fan of the New York Yankees will be a rival of the Boston Red Sox.
Rivalries or competition can certainly be a good thing. It helps push individuals and teams to excel and be the best they can be. However, if winning at any cost becomes the motto, then rivalries can be bad and lead to detrimental behavior.
In 1968, as a four year old living in New Jersey, I became a New York Yankees fan. Most may remember the Yankees were fairly inept during this period to the mid 70s. In fact, in 1969, their cross town rivals, the NY Mets, won the World Series. My father told me that a true fan sticks with their team regardless of how poorly they perform. He also taught me to respect rivals and to not only see their weaknesses, but their strengths. Thus, my favorite baseball player of all time was not Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, or Lou Gehrig, but Red Sox outfielder Ted Williams. This to me was the best way to respect a rival by recognizing they too have great players.
My sister in law and her family spent a few years living in Boston. During that time they became Red Sox fans, which coincidently was just in time to see them win their first of two championships in nearly a century. Every time I see them they make remarks and ask how I can be a fan of such an “evil” team. I try to explain that Boston is just as evil as New York, dishing out high salaries, and making it almost impossible for small markets to succeed. But they are too naïve to think Boston is just as evil as New York. When my teams win, I do not gloat or throw it back in other’s faces. I know what comes around, goes around and next year things can very easily flip flop. One thing that is very noticeable in rivalries is that people are both sore winners and losers.
The scary thing to me about my sister in law (She is not a bad mother, but on this topic her parenting skills can be questioned) is that she is teaching her kids the wrong message. She is teaching her kids that rivals and adversaries are evil and bad. This may help explain what I witnessed in the corporate world. People would lie, cheat, steal, and do anything to get an upper hand on peers. People became bad team members because they would withhold information and sabotage the work of others. This type of behavior was very common. Now, it is all starting to make sense. Children are taught to disrespect rivalries and competition by ignorant and misguided parents. My nephew is a good kid and I really worry that his parent’s bad behavior is going to teach him the wrong lessons about dealing with rivalries or competition. Worse yet, disrespecting a rival and underestimating their potential, is a sure way to lose out on opportunities that individuals may receive. Everyone needs to respect their rivals and be gracious winners and losers, it is that simple. To despise and hate rivals is simply wrong. This may also help explain our political polarization in this country. Conservatives do not respect liberals and vice versa. The fundamental issue is that people take rivalries personally instead of seeing them for what they really are: games, work, and education. This may go a long way to help explain why people are so sensitive these days and are offended very easily. It may explain why the “race card” is continually used to defend or prosecute behavior. This detrimental behavior has got to stop and people need to start being respectful to their rivals.
My Book: Is America Dying? (Barnes and Noble, Amazon.com)